Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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