you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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