im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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