I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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