He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
