What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
