dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
