What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
