Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
