remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
