During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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