how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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