Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
