She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
