Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
