In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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