Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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