How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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