sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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