so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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