i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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