i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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