and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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