I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
