i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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