I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
