oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
