You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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