Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
