We won't sleep together?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
