Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
please come you make the beer taste better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
