there's paper in my vomit.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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