just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
