do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess