allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots