Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
