I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
