whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
