No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.