God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
