She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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