last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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