got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
