What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
