Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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