i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
