Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
