im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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