Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
