Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
