If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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