Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We don't watch enough power rangers
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
