Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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