end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
