Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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