I looked at my own cervix.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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