How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
