So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
