Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
