I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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