she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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