you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
