Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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