I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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