I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
