You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love having hate sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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