i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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