he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
