threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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