sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
