do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
