Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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