Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
