I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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