Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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