i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
