the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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