So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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