I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
