I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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