this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
