my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
