I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
