I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
